Help me to live a life I am proud of
Updated: Sep 4, 2020
“It’s never too late to become who you want to be. I hope you live a life that you’re proud of, and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start over.” — F. Scott Fitzgerald
It's the 21st of March this week, officially spring time. The time of year when new life and new beginnings have started. And we are three months into 2020. What a start to the year. As I am writing this, we are in the worst global health crisis of my lifetime. I had planned this blog a few weeks ago but it seems more appropriate than ever to reflect, develop or to change our values to help ourselves and those around us, for instance keeping the most vulnerable in our society safe and well. This blog can help with that reflection and transition.
How do I maintain my goals?
Sometimes when we want to make changes / goals and we want to do the right thing (not panic buy for example), it doesn't work because those changes are not made close to our values and interests. We make them because we tell ourselves I have to do this, I must get this done, I need to... The expectation is that if we don't keep to them, we may tell ourselves that we have failed by not achieving them (Hawkins P & Turner E, 2020).
One strategy to help your goals to be successful is a visualisation task. Visualisation in coaching can be a powerful tool to use, in both goal setting and relaxation techniques because it enables us to make sense of the world around us. For the purpose of this task, we are going to see if we can identify your values (Hawkins P & Turner E, 2020).
I would invite you to get comfortable in a quiet room and have paper and pen handy.
I would like you to imagine all of the people that you have known past or present are sitting in a room.
There is some guidance below to help you:
What do you think the room looks like?
What colours do you notice?
What furniture is there? How is it laid out?
Do you hear any noises?
Who do you think is in the room? Where are they sitting or standing?
Write them down and name them, is anyone missing or anyone there that you'd like there but not sure about including them? What do you think the reasons are there for them to be missing?
What do you think the people who are there would be saying about you?
What do you like about what they are saying and what do you not like about what they are saying? Write down those likes/dislikes.
Is there anything on your list you would like to change? If there isn't anything you want to change, then scroll down to the next part. But if there is something on your list that concerns you, imagine you have changed those things that you don't like, what would people be saying now? Write those things down (Hawkins P & Turner E, 2020).
Invite for transformational change
You might have identified areas in your family, career, living environment that you would like to improve. But to help you further, I would invite you to look at the following areas in this life / coaching audit.
Rate each statement 1 - 8 (8 being the least important to you and 1 being the most important to you).
Life / Coaching Audit (Neenan M & Dryden W, 2014)
Living Environment (e.g. house / flat / area)
Family (e.g. family of origin / children)
Personal Relationships (e.g. partner / spouse)
Friends / Social Life (e.g. hobbies / outside activities)
Work / Career / Study (e.g. job / training requirements / interests)
Finances (e.g. budgeting / financial management / future security)
Health (e.g. diet / exercise / drinking alcohol / smoking / drugs)
Inner Soul / Spirit (e.g. sense of purpose / values)
Focusing on the area you rated No. 1:
What do you like and what do you not like about this area of your life?
Is there anything else you can add?
Focusing on what you don't like, what strikes you as the most important one that you would like to change?
What could you change and by what date?
Is there anything that stops you from making this change?
Is it in your control or do you depend on others? Is there anything else?
What resources or support have you available to you to help with these changes?
How committed are you to making these changes on a scale of 0 - 10 (0 not committed at all and 10 being fully committed). If you have rated yourself 7 and below, what stops you from moving forward? Is there anything else?
Where do you rate yourself now?
I wish you the best of luck in being successful in sticking to your goals and becoming the best version of yourself and if you would like further support, please contact me using the contact form.
In this time of reduced social contact and distancing I offer virtual sessions through SKYPE and ZOOM.
Take care, Paula
Hawkins P & Turner E, 2020, Systemic Coaching Delivering Value Beyond the Individual, Routledge: Oxon
Neenan M & Dryden W, 2014, Life Coaching A cognitive behavioural approach, Routledge: Hove